Thursday, March 27
And Now for the Middle School Category...
These are some haikus from The Academy's 7th graders - Haiku for You approved [there seems to be a reoccuring theme...2 points if you can guess what it is]:
Muffins are the best
I eat a lot of muffins
you must eat muffins
Martel is the best
he saved Europe from Islam
he beat the Muslims
Charlemagne is cool
he fought a lot of battles
he never could read
Crusades are pointless
they failed to get Holy land
they were big failures
I don't like muffins
how can you not like muffins,
when they are yummy
Get up for the bee
answer all the questions right
I got all the points
I can't answer it
I am going to sit down
oh no, I will fail
Knights wore shiny stuff
they were jocks in plate armor
knights were dumb farm boys
I eat the muffin
why don't you eat the muffin
we all eat muffins
Bushido is cool
Chivalry sucks majorly
the samurai rock
The heavenly song
the dragonflies' melody
soothing in the breeze
Listen to the creek
it flows softly through the town
it has pure water
Let's get some muffins
we will eat them all day long
yum, I love muffins
Must make this haiku
I must cram words into it
it has a pattern
simple machines stink
I hate calculating stuff
my brain is tired
My brain hurts so much
it is full of useless junk
school is the devil
Why eat the muffin
because it is so scrumptious
I want that muffin
Why muffins? i have no idea.
Tuesday, March 25
The Death Rattle
The haikus are becoming old and I fear I might have to retire this site unless we find another poetic form to imitate and latch onto. This batch is fairly old but what with the war and all...[now that I have a cheap excuse to slack off, I shall exploit it to the fullest extent] I have been busy. An interesting mutation of the haikus of C309 is the haiku battle...perhaps that will take off:
It's the same old grind
Bellows, Rants, and the T.V.
Ah, education
Girl found in Utah
alive and wealthy, they say
well, duh. It's UTAH.
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
he is talking in circles
and saying nothing
I did my math homework
but I'm in history class
I must have dozed off
Ladadidada
Singing in my head is fun
it's not when he sings
My head hurts a lot
damn, I don't have advil
Brooks keeps yapping
How is Brooks not cool?
He's really just an old teen
and he sure can sing!
Blue, purple, or green
Nalgene bottles everywhere
why so popular?
Oh, I hate this class
with a fiery passion
that burns through my heart
Big black opera man
bouquet of flowers on desk
Emma turns bright red
Teacher sits in chair
hides from the view of the class
tells kids to shut up
"I'm not saying that
I subscribe to this theory..."
droning and blinking
Staying awake
Throughout this terrible class
is such a struggle
This medium has
grown boring with the class, no?
well then, what's next?
Haiku Battle
I just realized this
reporters are paid to talk
so...where's my paycheck
One is only paid
when people would like to hear
what they have to say
I wonder if it's
possible to remove my
brain through my eyeballs
It is possible
to remove one's brain, well to
be specific - yours
Monday, February 24
They're Making a Comeback
There was a short period where the haiku factory of room C309 halted. The once industrious workers of this sweatshop-like perpetual motion machine paused and decided to pursue faith. They sat attentively [or at least semi-consciously] and listened to a self-professed demi-god. The formerly hardworking peasants of C309 sat with open minds and poised pens, awaiting the self-proclaimed profundity this "God" claimed to bear. They learned one of the many life lessons about faith, in that it is blind and sometimes misleading. After that short hiatus from their fastidious work, they resumed churning out haikus and ignoring this portly, false idol. These are their most recent products:
Brooks waving his fan
He is sweating profusely
it is freezing cold
He gets so worked up
Hist'ry is his stimulus
Mr. Brooks, please calm
He with such passion
oh what emphatic motions
so far overdone
he must know his shit
as he knows German he must
the words he makes up
staring at the neck
of an unwashed tennis dork
who smells of onions
he closes his eyes
says "it's not unusual"
with that cheesy smile
it is amazing
how he manages to kill
history dead twice
History class is
the gefelte fish of life
weee - swimming upstream
I just took his seat
is brandon oto crying?
poor baby, tough shit
grrrr, mumble mumble
eckey eckey pitang zoot
can you repeat that?
blah blah legitimacy
arab nationalism
brooks jargon quote unquote
painful boredom swells
eliot's comments pierce through
itchy layers of Brooks
How soon will this end?
doodle paper's almost full
this class seems infinite
im so very bored
my butt has fallen asleep
i mourn my tushy
Tuesday, February 18
They're Dwindling
Here are some more haikus, but recently, our class has been unorganized in our anarchy, which is a bit too reasonable for my tastes. Ram Dass, Graham, and I will get it back on track. Until then:
Quote unquote pompous
How do you spell pretentious
That's right, Wendell Brooks
Brooks is a white boy
What a preposterous claim
Maybe white inside
Still no pants Brandon?
day after day how i pray
at least buy more shorts
His oversized head
maybe he's a tennis star
or maybe he's not
One or two pairs of
the outfits he wears he acts
so oblivious
Sunday, February 16
To All You Would-Be Plagiarists
Don't think twice about stealing these haikus, as Mr. Khalsa, Mr. Heimler, Mr. Oto, and Ms. Rudy among others are already in the process of compiling these amazing works of poetry into a wonderful book. If you do wish to display/quote these haikus, please make sure that credit is given where credit is due:
Initial Idea Design: Graham Heimler
Managerial Defibrillator: Ram Dass Khalsa
Engineering Team: A few good men and women from C309 3rd period
Quasi-Publishers: Ram Dass Khalsa, Rachel Rudy, and Mischa Spieglemock
Saturday, February 15
My hand in the air
An important announcement:
Nobody likes you.
When he grimaces
In the midst of a sentence
He looks like a frog
Stop start stop start stop
Start stop start stop start stop start
Stop start stop start RING!!!!
Alleged teacher
Talks about the government
Is this history?
Movie time is great
Students pay no attention
Write haiku instead
Frogs and toads are green
They are the most awesome things
Now irrelevant
Islam is not bad
Or so he tells us. Again.
Again. And again.
A movie again
This is a typical class
This is so boring
So full of hot air
Bigger and bigger he grows
We will deflate him
His pants are too short
Way too much thigh is revealed
Must avert my eyes
This is not a class,
It is the time before lunch,
So why is Brooks here?
Please don’t ask questions,
He does not know the answer
But he can stop tapes
Is Brooks dead today?
He walks through the door again
Damn, he’s still alive
Clutches chest and gasps
Teacher has a heart attack
Students don’t notice
Our unbiased lord
He who surveys all below
What a joke he is
Oh what a martyr
Without indoctrination,
But so full of shit
Stuttering Wendell
Blindly groping for a point
Yet, alas, he fails
Broken podium
Oh such pandemonium
Our ancient ruins
Videos daily
Eerie glow of TV rays
Do we have cancer?
Overstuffed scarecrow
A shirt pulled taut over his
Protruding stomach
I think he’s realized
We spend classes mocking him
Wait…nope, nothing’s changed
This class is better
In terms of education
If I sleep through it
A revolting smell
This room stinks of flatulence
Oh wait, that’s Brandon
Pulls his eyebrows in
Makes a very grumpy face
He looks three years old
Hand waving quickly
I do not understand it
Is it sign language?
Shitty bad classroom
The monstrous piles of papers
Behind Brook's desk
Why are the lights off?
Oh right, we’re watching movies
Oh well, back to sleep
No eating in class
Such irreverence will not
Be tolerated
This lecture contains
So many tangents I feel
Like I’m in math class
Speaking as a guy
Who owns but two pairs of pants
Brandon – buy some pants!
Brooks points at TV
He tells us to look at it
Goody. It’s a goat
Brandon, shorts and all
A three toed sloth he is
Man, or perhaps not
Happa with bared legs
Haughtily holds his head high
He I love to hate
So slowly time moves
A frustration vocalized
Gwar like whoa indeed
Eyelids become lead
I’m drifting into a daze
Sleep now sleep noww sslleeeppp
Such emphatic hands
Now who am I speaking of?
Who? Brandon or Brooks?
Wear something else please
I wonder, do you smell bad?
You probably do
Every ten seconds
Stops movie, says: blah blah blah
I wish he would shut up
Elena’s written
What could be a haiku but
Her handwriting sucks
Gray-um is shit head
Makes fun of my heiroglyphs
Rrr, narrator brit
So the week begins
Brooks is again diseased
Why? Why am I here?
Which of these is worse—
The backbreaking pain of desks
Or Brooks droning on
His beard, big and white
The booming strength of his voice
Like God, but stupid
Minutes like dust motes
Flying, dancing in sunbeams
Potential wasted
Do not trash the room
Mister Brooks will not clean it
Nor will janitor
Words are flying out
His mouth is moving quickly
Too bad no one cares
My head hurts. Hey, look—
The sun is coming out now
Outside... not in here
A smug old bastard
He is a real know it all
Why won't he just die
Twitching and spasms
His twangs are ridiculous
Random bursts of "blaagh"
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Why does not he stop talking?
Brooks is so stupid
Never stops talking
He thinks that he is in pain
But he hurts us more!
I don't know my grade
In this God-forsaken class
Please, Brooks have mercy
Paying attention
In this class is difficult
Except Jewish stuff
Put the movie in.
Please put the movie in now.
We'll like the movie more
Using waves of sound,
The true master paralyses his opponent
Leaving him vulnerable to attack
It's as if he shouts
His germs toward us, all packed
Like sardines against the wall
Hair like white sea-foam
Eyes like endless rich caverns
Too bad he's a fool
Stuffy rows of desks
Large black man gets no respect
Where is the learning
So many questions
Drops of wonderment on grass
Why is Mike Orloff?
My neck hurts so much
I think I have a fever
I want to go home
So many questions
One hundred multiple choice
Lots of essay shit
Sniffing the back yard
Nose in the grass he squats down
The dog lays a poo
Goat sleeps in dumpster
Words fall from mouth to deaf ears
Brooks gets no respect
This class is so dumb
IQ falling from the brain
De-evolution
Rain falls on window
This sounds like our stinking class
The joy of learning
No soap radio
Purple monkey dishwasher
Don't kill nobody
Where is my lunch break
Head throbbing stomach aching
Must stab Wendell Brooks
A snake in the grass
Swallowing large children whole
Needs more seasonings
